I was one hell of a teenager: utterly independent, debated everything and sought full control over my own life by the time I was 13. Looking back, it was actually my horse that kept me safe and out of trouble, when my parents could only do so much.
There are many reasons that your teenage daughter might want a horse. There’s also many reasons that as a parent, you may think it’s a bad idea. There’s pros and cons to every situation, I know.
Cons: first off, horses are expensive– they’re actually black holes for money, let’s be realistic. This is usually the first turn off for parents. They take countless hours and coordination of chauffeuring your daughter back and forth from the barn. There’s plenty of other cons, for sure. But for argument’s sake, let’s try to put all those hesitations on hold for the next 5 minutes…. And go!
As an on again, off again riding instructor, I believe that for all of the challenges, there’s far more benefits, many that you may not even know about yet. A horse could mold your daughter into the person you’d be proud to see her grow into. To all of the parents who are weighing the pros and cons of horse ownership, here’s why I would argue that it’s worth every penny.
1. It keeps her out of trouble. Let me say this again. IT KEEPS HER OUT OF TROUBLE.
When she’s busy at the barn riding (… and grooming, and cleaning tack, and cleaning stalls and doing turnout and dumping wheelbarrows and raking the arena and so on) she has less time to get into trouble. Boredom and friends who may be a bad influence get pushed to the side line, because frankly, getting a job to pay for that new saddle is more important. This is the same with any intensive sports program. Some may argue that horses take up too much time for kids, but I disagree– as long as it’s not all work and there is some play in there, their days may be full but they’re fulfilling.
2. It costs money– which she should be at least partially responsible for.
Horses do cost a lot of money. So does their tack and vet bills. And the board bill, if you choose to board at a stable. If you’re willing to help your daughter in some financial way I’m sure it will be greatly appreciated. But in no way should any parent be expected to front all of that bill. Figure out a system to split up the costs that works for both of you. If she wants a horse, she should be expected to get a job to help pay for it. End of story. Plus, that job will help keep her out of even more trouble.
3. It builds responsibility.
Just like any pet, this horse depends on her for exercise. It depends on her skill and patience to learn new things and uphold good manners. It depends on her time and her money to eat, to drink, and to have shelter. In essence, this horse depends on your daughter (and you, out of default) for everything. This kind of dependence builds a lot of responsibility and character in your little girl, as long as she follows through on her end of the deal to take care of them.
If you’re thinking that a dog can build the same responsibility and be a lot cheaper, you’re right and you’re wrong. Having a horse builds more responsibility than a dog. If she had to decide between going to town with her friends and taking her dog for a walk, she could potentially combine the two. With horses, she will have to separate out time to devote to it’s well-being alone. In addition, horses help her build a strong community separate from you as a parent, while a dog is an addition to your home/family life.
4. It builds self confidence.
Everyone says this, because it’s true. Most riding is an independent sport (she does it alone, versus on a team). However, she’s not really alone… She’s in a partnership, where she is expected to be the leader. And she’ll have coaches teaching her how to lead in the most effective way. Nothing builds self confidence better than “leadership training” that she loves.
Another thought to ponder on: your daughter is going to tell this 1,000 pound animal to move one inch to the left. And then one inch to the right. And then to follow her. And when the horse does something out of line, she will be responsible for administering the proper discipline. How would you feel if you were in that situation? That’s a form of empowerment that’s only found working with large animals.
5. It will help her meet new friends.
If she’s in a lesson program, it’s likely that she’s going to meet many friends her own age. Most horse people will attest to meeting their best, life-long friends at the barn. That’s because friends at her school will only get to know half of her life. Her horse friends will get to know all of her, including the after-school horse loving, hard-working side that the others won’t see. Best of all, these girls will have the same passion and devotion in them too. That connection creates a stronger bond just in itself.
6. The barn offers a good variety of role models of many ages.
Having a horse boarded at a barn offers a daily interaction for your daughter with people of all ages. When you drop her off, she will have the opportunity to freely connect with other women, without feeling the pressure of mom or dad standing by. Instead of just interacting with one age group in school or in sports, your daughter will talk many women in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s.
If they get close enough, they’ll start to seek support from these women, which is key– they’ll normally offer the same advise you might want to as a parent, and your daughter may be more apt to listen to someone outside of the family. Better than getting advise from her friends at school? Maybe so. Many girls end up acting “more mature for their age” because of this daily influence.
7. It keeps her humble.
Horses are going to teach her that she’s wrong all the time. She didn’t ride that move quite right, her legs slipped back and that’s why she fell off. Nobody else made her fall off but herself (and no, it’s never the horses fault). Or, her instructor is telling her (again) that her hands need to be quieter. That she’s getting there, but she hasn’t got it yet.
In every situation with horses, she will always be able to get better and she’ll never be done learning. Every rider understands this very quickly.
8. It’ll keep her fit and physically active.
Horses, like most sports, will keep your daughter active. Riding, tacking up and untacking all are activities that require her to be moving around and outside in all kinds of weather (even if she rides in an indoor arena, you get the gist). Cleaning stalls, doing turnout, feeding– all of these barn chores actively burn calories and build muscle. Think kids are too sedentary these days? Get em’ a horse.
9. It helps them be creative, active teachers.
Having her own horse means that for the most part she’ll be riding on her own, outside of a lesson situation. This means that she’ll have to work through a lot of the daily training challenges that come up when riding on her own. It will force her to think creatively about how she’s training her horse and how to solve a particular problem.
If something worked in the last lesson, but it’s not working now, what else can she try? How else can she solve this issue? Being in a lesson program provides necessary guidance, but when it’s not paired with independent riding, it can create a mental dependence on someone telling her exactly what to do and when to do it.
All of this active participation in learning how to ride, how to train and what to do when a challenge emerges will help her in high school, in college and in every job from there on out.
10. It teaches her HOW her brain learns new things.
Me, I learn through metaphors. I also need to understand a big picture first before breaking it down into smaller details. I learned that through riding.
Everyone learns differently, and learning from different instructors will teach your daughter how to recognize when she understands something and when she doesn’t. When she has that “ah-ha” moment, she can break down to recognize how it was explained to her and ask for that kind of teaching in the future. She can also apply it to the other learning that she has to do in school and later in life, in her career. It’s all about self awareness.
In Conclusion…
At the end of the day, you’ll have to work as a family to decide if a horse is really the right fit. But I know from experience, horses help girls grow into empathic, engaged, and responsible young women. You make the final call.
Today i was looking at horses one of them was so cheap and was a in the middle for riders like me.my aunt has this racehorse i¨m in love with hes a quarter gelding and this horse i was looking at today looked just like him.Ive been wanting a horse for a very long time and been asking but it was a no AGAIN!I was heart broken ii nearly cried.
As long as I can remember I have wanted a horse and have asked for one so many times, I lost count. I have almost 2 acres and the famer who’s field is beside my yard that is sometimes used for cows will absoulutly let me ride in it. My mom says she will never get me a horse but my dad never stops changing his mind. I’m writing a paper on why teens should get their very own horse to ride and I’m going to read it to my dad when I’m finished. This article has been very helpful with it. Every day I ask for a horse and my dad will answer depending on his mood. How will I ever get an absoulute answer to the question I’ve had my whole life? I don’t mind the work if it means I get a horse to befriend and bond with. I might complain about taking care of my cats, dogs, and guinea pigs, but I really need a horse. It would be really hepfull to get some advice. I’ve been wating too long to get a horse. 13 years feels like a blained time when you don’t have a horse to enjoy spending your days with.
I asked my dad and mom if i could have a horse my dad said no 🙁 But like me i did not give up i wrote letters and researched, and i kept talking to him and he said no not until your 15. I am 13 right now and finally i asked my dad, what was your horse life like? He said he did not like them because they were mean and they bit him. And some he had were nice, And so he lowed the age to 14, And he said ” I know whats it like to be your age daydreaming about a horse i have done the same thing” So i felt happy.But we have no land so my grandma Offerd to let me bored it at her place, So here i am Working i have 146$ and i need 36 more do build my barn at her place. Then work Again to buy supplies and then get my horse (but if your 12 or 9 then i reconmmend you get a pony) But i am Trying to get my horse also like all of you i have a year left and i do take care of my bunny and my hamster but my bunny i did not ever sence i turned 13 last friday the 19th i took better care of my bunny and i have been out of trouble So i agree with this articl. Thank you Vanessa Agardi
Have you got the horse? If so how are you making sure to stay in place and take the best care consistently? I’m trying to get one right now I have money and everything just need convincing.
I really badly want a horse! im not going to stop im going to start getting a job and getting money, im going to be more helpful and caring I really want to show I can do this, horses just make me happy inside and the jobs I get when im older are just going to be horse jobs I really just want a happy life with amazing horses has anyone got any tips
Totally agree ..what if they are not a horse person though
And not interested in horses
Volunteer at a stable to clean stalls and groom, in exchange for lessons.
be very helpful around the house, explain to your parents w hy this animal is so impornt to you have sit down make sure u know what to say and be great at it if they say no give them more sighns like taking care of everything u have writing letters drawing pictures of horses, i hope this works.
Hi there i just read this and I gonna share it with my parents i think there going to get me a horse in a couple of years but I am just going to show them this so they defo will!I love horses they are so amazing!
Hey!I read this article today when I was nearly crying because I know I will NEVER get a horse no matter how hard I try.I really can’t stand not having a horse. I’m really lonely because no-one has the same interests as me and I’m not a girly-girl.I LOVE Horses,but we don’t have the money and space for a horse.And I know that I shouldn’t buy a horse unless I am 100% sure that I can cover all the costs of the horse.I don’t want the horse to suffer because of me :/
I have heard people say stuff like “work at a local barn” but I can’t because there are no local barns. I’m really depressed and have trich-a hair pulling disorder which makes me more insecure and depressed and I can’t get the therapy or help I need because my mother says that “It’s all in your head” It’s true in a way but I still need help.
Iv’e seen many times before that horses help teenagers stay away from drugs and trouble (I’m 13 but I have no desire to get into trouble)
I’m really just a depressed hot mess,I have tons of things to get of my chest to but I don’t have anyone to talk to as my mother as my mother is really strict and will get mad at me.
P.S Sorry for the long comment,I just needed to get this off my chest 🙂 Also I love this article and your blog,keep going 😀
Hi Claire – I am a mom of a 16 year old daughter who was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive and on the autism spectrum. I read your comment and my heart goes out to you. I am sorry some think “its all in your head”. I recommend to you to visit your guidance counselor or someone at your school regarding therapy and other help. Our schools here in Massachusetts have “adjustment counselors” and they may be able to help you by talking with them and find some resources for you.
Buying a horse may be difficult for a 13 year old at the moment as you said you need to be 100% sure you could cover the costs but what if you found a job and saved money to pay for a summer camp that includes horseback riding.
I will be thinking of you. good luck!
I feel for you Claire: I went through a VERY similar (in many senses) senerio when I was your age. Thankfully (I’m forever grateful) mum sent me to a riding school (in a beautiful country setting waaaaay away from anywhere!) from age 9ish for weekends once a month.
By your age I’d learned so much so far as being unable to shoe myself! Around your age mum promised me a horse, if I did this…if I did that…if my grades were better etc, as you’d appreciate that was ALL the motivation I needed to pull myself together’.
I soon found that going from riding school monthly to having my own horse was difficult, there were sooo many basics I hadn’t considered:- feeding out in winter, horse vs friends vs school vs study, mum not being the least bit horsey and my mental health challenges weren’t recognised. Apparently I was being defiant, angry, sad, sooo confused and not dealing well with mum’s new partner!
This was 30 years ago and mental health illnesses weren’t considered, discussed, or even ‘a thing’ like they are today.
Manic depression was diagnosed at 18 yet wasn’t medicated only the Depression side was.
Bipolar (anxiety and depression were being treated) was effectively diagnosed and treated when I was 33 (as you could imagine A LOT of negative events happened between times!) and out of hospital from a Traumatic Brain Injury which I caused (I self medicated with excessive amounts of alcohol from age 18)!
Mental health was finally ‘accepted’ as a disease by mum when I was 36 when she saw psychosis first hand, fully in her face. Now she’s basically a mental health Advocate and recognises how pretty much text book I was. I know she feels terribly guilty for not understanding why I didn’t get myself together, why I made an arse out of school and freaked at tests, why I had sadness and rage and changed my room around weekly, why I was promiscuous: most of which she didn’t learn of til I was well outa home (at 17) and pregnant at 17!)), why I was defiant and challenged everything yet some times was wonderful, helpful, funny and cool to be around at others.
In a V E R Y long winded and off on tangent way what I’m trying to say is: your mum will (I sincerely hope!) come around to understand, acknowledge and empathise and in time; probably feel guilty.
Seek help/support from a Guidance Counsellor at school so at least you have an understanding adult on your side whom you can confide in, someone who ‘gets it’, allows you to get anything off your chest, will help you understand you’re not alone and may be able speak with your mum independently, “Professional” adult to adult.
I’d also really advise you to get an after school, weekend and/or holiday job: it doesn’t have to be anything more than pouring coffee and wiping tables or being a ‘check out chick’ – it’ll get you outa the house, gives you your family and your mental health room to breathe, it will have you meeting new people (potential horse owners who need one or some exercised or know of someone who does!) plus gives you independence and a bit of spending money. That in turn will show mum you’re capable, keen to do things for yourself, motivated, passionate and dedicated. Unfortunately she maybe won’t come to the party horse wise, however you’ve made progress in your life and potential horsey type options…
I apologise for my extremely drawn out message, I do hope it helps and lets you know your not alone and people understand xox
Hi Claire,
I am sad that you are feeling this way, and so challenged to find a place to ride. I would suggest you look up Therapeutic riding center or Equine therapy near you. Talk to a Physical Therapy place and see if they know anyone doing it. There are many PATH or SpiritHorse centers around the country. It is a great place to Volunteer and get lots of time with horses. I run two in south central Missouri.
I would add to this article that the therapy benefits of horses go even farther that these benefits listed. I have children with Autism and CP PTSD, Learning challenges, and adults with Parkinsons, stroke and more who are seeing new life and neuropathways built on the back of a horse with the SpiritHorse methods… some are able to sit up, crawl, take steps and speak first words and heal. In one blinded study done at the SpiritHorse International center, 9 kids went to non-autistic in a 10-week session and all of those in the study got better results on the CARS scale. It is an amazing and rewarding Place to Ride or serve as a Volunteer and a super cool career. Do papers in school about it, and learn about it… Someday you could maybe do this too!! Blessings and Prayer Hugs. Tracy
Claire,
These others have responded very thoroughly, and so I haven’t much to add. You don’t want to hear it, but I’m almost 50 now, with a story not too dissimilar from Rachel’s. I managed to get through law school and work a bit before falling completely apart and finally being diagnosed with a host of disorders, and they still are unsure of a couple. But what I mostly want to add is, don’t give up. You desperately want a horse now, and yes, horses are wonderful. If you also like dogs or cats, loving one and working with one can bring you many benefits. But you never know what will happen, and you have time. You can learn to ride at almost any age. Perhaps you won’t be the centaur of your dreams, but few of us are. I have known people my age who learned to ride to fulfill that lifelong dream. Keep the faith. If you really want it, you might get there some day.
I am looking for a good home for an awesome Arabian! Have had him since he was three …. his stablemate died last year, and my riding days are coming to an end. Found this site at random … if anyone can provide the care and love required for a gentle (who loves people) animal, please email me. He is lonely. Please forgive me if I am on the wrong kind of website. Gotta start somewhere.
Have you found a home for your horse yet?
Have u found a home for ur horse yet?